


guilt isn't always an emotional response

by girlsinthestars



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode: s06e26-s07e01 Descent Parts 1-2, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-16 10:19:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17547824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlsinthestars/pseuds/girlsinthestars
Summary: Post 'Descent' - Data is avoiding Geordi because he thinks they’ve broken up as a result of what happened on the planet and Geordi doesn't understand why Data is avoiding him.





	guilt isn't always an emotional response

Geordi hadn’t seen Data since he stopped him from destroying the emotion chip. Every time he tried to talk to Data, he gave an excuse and left, he tried to arrange dates but every time Data claimed he was busy, Data’s shifts had even been moved so they didn’t line up with Geordi’s. He didn’t understand it, Data never avoided people like this, that was an emotional reaction. He had no idea what to do, he loved Data, he hadn’t spent this long without talking to Data since they met. It felt like there was something missing, he kept thinking if he just left it long enough Data would turn up at his door and they would go to Ten Forward and everything would be okay again. But it had been weeks. He was having nightmares, where Data’s voice would call from the darkness surrounding him, but it kept moving and every time he thought he was getting close it would move again. Then Datas hands would strap him to a table and Data would hiss that he never liked Geordi, that he had been so glad to finally be free of him, that Geordi was awkward and clingy and even without emotions Data found him repulsive. Geordi would wake to an empty bed, desperately calling out for Data but receiving no reply. At the three week mark he finally made an appointment with Counselor Troi.

“I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what he’s thinking.” He finished telling Troi, who finally looked up from her notes.

“If I didn’t know better I would say he feels guilty. Humans, after an event like this, might struggle to reconnect, one feeling afraid or angry at the other and the other feeling like they can’t trust themselves, an overwhelming guilt and lack of self confidence. If Data were human I would say you need to make sure he knows you don’t blame him, and then give him the space to work through his feelings. However, as it is, I’m not sure what to recommend.” She paused, “I do believe you should first focus on yourself, deal with how you feel about the event, are you angry at Data?”

“No!” Geordi replied quickly. “It wasn’t his fault, you should have seen him, he was ready to destroy the emotion chip to guarantee he would never hurt me again.”

“Ok… what about fear?”

“I could never fear Data.”

“I don’t mean fearing Data himself, I mean fearing your feelings for him, his feelings for you, are you afraid of the hatred he felt when he was on the planet?”

Geordi’s stomach lurched. “It wasn’t him.”

“But it looked like him and sounded like him, before this you had never considered the possibility that if Data had emotions he would have the capability to hate you, to reject you.”

“He’s always been able to reject me.”

“Geordi, I think one of the things you found attractive about Data was the fact that he would never turn on you, even if you were to break up you would have returned to being friends because Data has never been capable of the complex emotions involved in break ups. You’ve always had a security net and for a split second it was gone.”

“That’s not- obviously I didn’t like hearing my boyfriend say he hated me but-” Geordi huffed, trying to gather his thoughts again. “I don’t just love Data because he won’t hurt me.”

“I’m not saying that. You love Data for who he is, but a part of that is this safety net that he will never hate you, cut you out of his life completely. And suddenly you are faced with that possibility.”

“I don’t-” He sighed. “What if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore?”

Deanna smiled gently at him. “I would be willing to bet he is thinking the same thing.”

“He won’t even look at me.”

“Look Geordi, I don’t think there is any reason to think he has given up on this relationship, I think you both just need some time to process what happened on the planet.”

Geordi left his session with the counselor with instructions to ask the doctor for help sleeping and not much else, he wasn’t particularly comforted by her words and she clearly didn’t know how to explain Data’s behaviour any more than he did.

Geordi finally came across Data in Ten Forward a few days after his appointment with the counselor. He watched him walk into Ten Forward and scan the room before sitting at the bar, as if he hadn’t even seen Geordi. After almost 20 minutes of watching Data chat with the bartender and sip the drink he ordered, Geordi finally got up the courage to approach him.

“Can I buy you a drink?” He asked, sitting next to Data.

“Currency is not used at this establishment.”

“I know Data, it’s just a phrase, can I join you?” Even just hearing Data’s voice made Geordi’s chest tighten

“I am not sure that would be wise. Considering the circumstances.”

Geordi’s chest filled with stones. “Sure, ok I’ll leave you alone.” He managed to say before making his way out of Ten Forward, eyes locked dead ahead, but not actually seeing anything. He’d had his heart broken a thousand times before, but it had never felt like this, like he didn’t even have a heart anymore.   
  


* * *

Geordi was kind of glad Data had put so much effort into avoiding him now, it meant he barely had to do anything, as long as he stayed in engineering or his quarters there wasn’t even a chance he would run into Data. He started taking the sleeping medication Doctor Crusher had prescribed to him, and sometimes, when he was busy working, or just waking up, he could feel like everything was fine. So he didn’t bother going back to Counselor Troi, and he went about his days as usual. He managed this, avoiding Data, for nearly two weeks before Riker came down to engineering to inform him he was being assigned to a mission with Data.

“I know things are complicated between the two of you at the moment, but you’re the most qualified people for the job.” Riker said, his voice sympathetic.

“I understand, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, well, I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to.” With that Riker left Geordi to his work.

They were meeting to beam down to the planet at 0600 the next morning, and for the first time since he had begun taking the sleeping aids, Geordi couldn’t get to sleep. He knew Data was going to be perfectly professional, but he couldn’t stop himself from imagining every possible scenario, including both ones in which Data was cold and cruel to him, and ones where Data admitted to missing him, told him he made a mistake.

Of course, Data was perfectly polite.

“Good morning lieutenant, I have modified two tricorders to detect-”

Geordi knew what Data was telling him was important but he couldn’t help the way his chest hurt when Data used his rank rather than his name. The way his mind wandered off, replaying all the times Data made him laugh, made him happy, made him feel loved, watching Data’s mouth moving but not hearing the words. This mission was not going to be his best work.

If Data noticed his odd behaviour he didn’t say anything, they completed their tasks with little to no conversation and returned to the Enterprise. Geordi kind of wished Data had said something or done something, anything to indicate what he was feeling- or thinking -about Geordi, but he simply nodded and turned to leave.

A wave of resignation hit Geordi, an overwhelming feeling of this is it. This is all that remains of his relationship with Data, he won’t even speak to him like they’re friends, like they’re anything more than strangers who work together.

But Data paused before he reached the door, nodding at the transporter chief, who nodded in return and left. 

“You have been tense.” Data said, turning back to Geordi.

“This isn’t an ideal situation.”

“No, in the future I will endeavour to avoid overlaps of our professional lives.”

Geordi gave a pained laugh. “You’re chief of operations and  second officer and I’m the chief engineer on the same starship, we’re going to have to work together.”

Data was silent for a moment. “Perhaps I will request a transfer.”

“No! No, Data, come on, we’re adults, we can work through this.”

“If you are sure.” Data paused, his expression softening. “I do not wish to infringe upon your life any more than is necessary.”

Geordi stared at him, not quite comprehending what Data was saying. “...I’m sure.”

Data nodded and left.

That was odd, definitely odd, what did Data mean infringe upon his life? Did Data think he didn’t want him around? If the counselor was right, what was the thing in Ten Forward about?

He had told himself Troi had helped him all she could and there was no point bothering her again, but he was beginning to think she might know more about Data’s functioning than he gave her credit for.

* * *

Rather than making him an appointment Troi turned up at his quarters and asked him to lunch.

“I haven’t seen you on the bridge lately.” She commented, as they walked to Ten Forward.

“I’ve been busy in engineering.”

“It doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that that is where Data spends his shifts?”

“No! We don’t even have overlapping shifts anymore.”

“I know, the captain asked for my opinion on the situation before approving Data’s transfer.”

“And what did you tell him?”

“Well, at the time I hadn’t spoken to you, and Data had given the captain the impression you had - how does he put it - discontinued your relationship on mutual terms and this was his attempt to make the transition more comfortable for you. So I told him it sounded like a good idea, on a temporary basis, of course.”

“Why would he say that?”

“Well, that is the impression he seems to be under, that the wish to end your relationship was mutual.”

“You’ve spoken to him?”

“He came to see me after your encounter in Ten Forward, he wasn’t sure what to make of it.”

“What does that mean? He rejected me, plain and simple.” Geordi made his way to a table, and Troi was silent for a moment as she sat down across from him.

“I don’t believe that’s how he saw it. He is convinced you wanted to end your relationship with him, from his point of view he is doing what’s best for you.”

Geordi stared at her, searching for any sign of deception. “That would make some sense.”

“You suspected as much.”

“After we were assigned together the other day he told me he didn’t want to ‘infringe upon my life any more than was necessary’.”

“He misses you.”

Geordi shook his head. “Data isn’t capable of that emotion.”

“You don’t believe that.”

Geordi sighed. “No, I don’t. But I don’t believe he misses me either.”

Troi was silent, clearly giving him the space to elaborate. “He was so cold in Ten Forward, and he’s put so much effort into avoiding me at all costs, I can’t even imagine that he could be missing me.” He paused, “Even if I believe that he is feeling guilty about what happened on the planet, even if he’s doing this because he thinks  _ I  _ wanted to end it, I can’t imagine him missing me.”

“He never goes to his quarters, other than to feed Spot, he spends all his time pacing the halls or working.”

“Data doesn’t need rest.” Geordi replied quietly, his eyes were beginning to burn and a lump had formed in his throat, he had only just got used to the idea that Data didn’t want to be with him, and realising that Data was thinking the same thing, feeling guilty and lonely. He wanted to run to Data immediately, tell him that he could never stop loving him, that he would never hold what happened on the planet against him, that it wasn’t his fault. But Data was still on duty, he wouldn’t get off for another two hours.

Troi smiled at him. “No, perhaps not, but time he would usually spend with you is now time he’s spending staying busy, a human behaviour, a reaction to missing someone.”

“I’ll talk to him.”

“Good, would you like to play a few games of chess while you wait?”

“That sounds good.”

* * *

Troi walked with him back to his quarters a few minutes before Data’s shift ended, and he gave it five minutes before he tapped his combadge.

“Geordi to Data.”

“Yes Geordi?”

“Will you meet me in my quarters?” There was silence from Data. “Please?"

After another heart wrenching minute Data replied: “I will be there momentarily.”

Geordi sat on his couch, then stood up and moved to his table, then stood up again and got a drink from the replicator and sat back down at the table. Before moving back to the couch. After what felt like an age his door chimed and he let Data in.

“What did you wish to discuss?” Data asked, entering cautiously and sitting on the armchair across from the couch.

“Data, I… I love you, and I miss you.”

If Geordi didn’t know better he would say Data’s expression was pained.

“You cannot.”

“What do you mean?”

“I hurt you, Geordi, I am a bad boyfriend, it is only logical to conclude our relationship would have to be discontinued.”

Geordi’s chest clenched. “ _ You _ didn’t hurt me Data, you were being manipulated, it wasn’t you!”

“You did not wish to discontinue our relationship?”

“No, Data.”

Data watched him, taking in his tear filled eyes and clenched hands. “I have caused you emotional distress.”

“You felt guilty, you don’t have to apologise.”

“I do not experience emotions, I have no excuses for my actions other than misinterpretation.”

“Guilt isn’t always an entirely emotional response, sometimes it seems logical, like you’re just drawing conclusions.”

“I see.” Data was still for a moment, then he reached over and threaded his fingers through Geordi’s. “I believe I… missed you too.”

Geordi couldn’t hold it together anymore, he pulled Data over to sit next to him, kissing him gently. And for the first time in a month everything seemed okay again, Data’s arms around his waist, Data’s hair wound through his fingers. When they finally split, Geordi buried his face in Data’s neck, relief flooding through his body at the simple feeling of Data’s body against his own.

“Geordi, you are crying.”

“Yeah Data, I’ve missed you a lot.”

“I, too, have found my days rather empty without you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Potentially at some point this will have a second chapter with more comforting and making up but for now I'm marking it as complete because it also works as a one shot.
> 
> Find me on tumblr @girlsinthestars


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